Some quotes from Yes, PM
Dec. 31st, 2003 08:06 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
nyankoframeJim Hacker: "Nothing wrong with subsidizing sports: sport is educational."
Sir Humphrey: "We have sex education too. Should we subsidize sex perhaps?"
Bernard Woolley: "Could we?"
Sir Humphrey: "When you see vast buildings, huge staff and massive budgets, what do you conclude?"
Jim Hacker: "Bureaucracy?"
Jim Hacker: "Who knows Foreign Office secrets, apart from the Foreign Office?"
Bernard Woolley: "That's easy. Only the Kremlin."
Sir Humphrey: "How are things at the Campaign for the Freedom of Information, by the way?"
Sir Arnold: "Sorry, I cannot talk about that."
Sir Arnold: "So, will our new PM be our eminent Chancellor or our distinguished Foreign Secretary?"
Sir Humphrey: "Well, that is what I wanted to talk to you about. Which do you think it should be?"
Sir Arnold: "Difficult. Like asking which lunatic should run the asylum."
Jim Hacker: "Obviously the Home Secretary will have to resign."
Sir Humphrey: "Alas, yes."
Jim Hacker: "What on earth will happen to him?"
Sir Humphrey: "Well, I gather he was as drunk as a lord, so after a discrete interval they will probably make him one."
Bernard Woolley: "That is why that torpedo landed on Sandwich Golf Course."
Jim Hacker: "Sandwich Golf Course? I didn't read that in the paper."
Bernard Woolley: "No, of course not: there was a cover-up. The members just found a new bunker on the 7th fairway the next day."
Sir Humphrey: "Notwithstanding the fact that your proposal could conceivably encompass certain concomitant benefits of a marginal and peripheral relevance, there is a countervailing consideration of infinitely superior magnitude involving your personal complicity and corroborative malfeasance, with a consequence that the taint and stigma of your former associations and diversions could irredeemably and irretrievably invalidate your position and culminate in public revelations and recriminations of a profoundly embarrassing and ultimately indefensible character."
Jim Hacker: "Perhaps I can have a précis of that?"
Bernard Woolley: "Now, may I just have your approval for this Local Government Allowances Amendment Number 2 for this year's regulations."
Jim Hacker: "What is it?"
Bernard Woolley: "It is a Statutory Instrument to be laid before the House. As Minister responsible for local government we need you to authorize that the revised Paragraph 5 of Number 2 Regulations 1971 shall come into operation on March the 18th next, revoking Regulation 7 of the Local Government Allowances Amendment Regulations 1954(b)."
Jim Hacker: "What the hell does all that mean?"
Bernard Woolley: "It is all right, there is an explanatory note, Minister. These Regulations are to make provisions for prescribing the amount of attendance and financial loss allowances payable to the members of local authorities. Explanatory note: Regulation 3 of the Local Government Allowances Amendment Regulation 1971 ("the 1971 regulations") substituted a new regulation for Regulation 3 of the 1954 Regulations. Regulation 3 of the Local Government Allowances Amendment Regulation 1972 ("the 1972 regulations") further made amends Regulation 3 of the 1954 Regulations by increasing the maximum rates of attendance and financial loss allowances. Regulation 7 of the 1972 Regulations revoked both regulation 3 and 5 of the 1971 Regulations, Regulation 5 being a regulation revoking earlier spent regulations with the effect from 1st April next. These regulations preserve Regulations 2 and 5 of the 1971 Regulations by revoking Regulation 7 of the 1972 Regulations.
Jim Hacker: "And that's an explanatory note???"
Sir Humphrey: "Minister, I have some very grave news."
Jim Hacker: "Yes, Humphrey?"
Sir Humphrey: "The relationship which I might tentatively venture to aver has been not without some degree of reciprocal utility and perhaps even occasional gratification, is emerging a point of irreversible bifurcation and, to be brief, is in the propinquity of its ultimate regrettable termination."
Jim Hacker: "I see..."
Sir Humphrey: "I am...on my way out."
Jim Hacker: "What?"
Sir Humphrey: "There comes a time when one has to accept what fate has in store, when one passes on..."
Jim Hacker: "Passes on!?"
Sir Humphrey: "...to pastures new, perhaps greener. And places oneself, finally, in the service of one who is greater than any of us."
Jim Hacker: "Humphrey, I am so sorry."
Sir Humphrey: "Oh, thank you, Minister."
Jim Hacker: "Does lady Appleby know?"
Sir Humphrey: "Well, she suspected it for some time."
Jim Hacker: "When did they tell you?"
Sir Humphrey: "This afternoon."
Jim Hacker: "How long did they give you?"
Sir Humphrey: "Oh, just a few weeks."
Jim Hacker: "Few weeks!?"
Sir Humphrey: "But it will give me enough time to sort everything out."
Jim Hacker: "Humphrey, you are so terribly brave."
Sir Humphrey: "Well, one is a little anxious, off course. One is always a little wary of the unknown, but I have faith somehow I will muddle through. [Jim Hacker starts crying] Minister, what is the matter?"
Jim Hacker: "I am sorry, Humphrey. Just, well we had our ups and downs."
Sir Humphrey: "Oh Minister, do not take on so. We will still be seeing one another regularly. Yes, once a week at least."
Jim Hacker: "What??"
Sir Humphrey: "I have not told you where I am going yet. I have been appointed Secretary to the Cabinet."
Jim Hacker: "Secretary to the Cabinet?"
Sir Humphrey: "What did you think I meant?"
Jim Hacker: "I thought, I..., I...."
Sir Humphrey: "Prime Minister, I must protest in the strongest possible terms my profound opposition to a newly instituted practice which imposes severe and intolerable restrictions upon the ingress and egress of senior members of the hierarchy and which will, in all probability, should the current deplorable innovation be perpetuated, precipitate a constriction of the channels of communication, and culminate in a condition of organisational atrophy and administrative paralysis which will render effectively impossible the coherent and co-ordinated discharge of the functions of government within Her Majesty's United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland."
Jim Hacker: "You mean you've lost your key?"
Sir Humphrey: "We have sex education too. Should we subsidize sex perhaps?"
Bernard Woolley: "Could we?"
Sir Humphrey: "When you see vast buildings, huge staff and massive budgets, what do you conclude?"
Jim Hacker: "Bureaucracy?"
Jim Hacker: "Who knows Foreign Office secrets, apart from the Foreign Office?"
Bernard Woolley: "That's easy. Only the Kremlin."
Sir Humphrey: "How are things at the Campaign for the Freedom of Information, by the way?"
Sir Arnold: "Sorry, I cannot talk about that."
Sir Arnold: "So, will our new PM be our eminent Chancellor or our distinguished Foreign Secretary?"
Sir Humphrey: "Well, that is what I wanted to talk to you about. Which do you think it should be?"
Sir Arnold: "Difficult. Like asking which lunatic should run the asylum."
Jim Hacker: "Obviously the Home Secretary will have to resign."
Sir Humphrey: "Alas, yes."
Jim Hacker: "What on earth will happen to him?"
Sir Humphrey: "Well, I gather he was as drunk as a lord, so after a discrete interval they will probably make him one."
Bernard Woolley: "That is why that torpedo landed on Sandwich Golf Course."
Jim Hacker: "Sandwich Golf Course? I didn't read that in the paper."
Bernard Woolley: "No, of course not: there was a cover-up. The members just found a new bunker on the 7th fairway the next day."
Sir Humphrey: "Notwithstanding the fact that your proposal could conceivably encompass certain concomitant benefits of a marginal and peripheral relevance, there is a countervailing consideration of infinitely superior magnitude involving your personal complicity and corroborative malfeasance, with a consequence that the taint and stigma of your former associations and diversions could irredeemably and irretrievably invalidate your position and culminate in public revelations and recriminations of a profoundly embarrassing and ultimately indefensible character."
Jim Hacker: "Perhaps I can have a précis of that?"
Bernard Woolley: "Now, may I just have your approval for this Local Government Allowances Amendment Number 2 for this year's regulations."
Jim Hacker: "What is it?"
Bernard Woolley: "It is a Statutory Instrument to be laid before the House. As Minister responsible for local government we need you to authorize that the revised Paragraph 5 of Number 2 Regulations 1971 shall come into operation on March the 18th next, revoking Regulation 7 of the Local Government Allowances Amendment Regulations 1954(b)."
Jim Hacker: "What the hell does all that mean?"
Bernard Woolley: "It is all right, there is an explanatory note, Minister. These Regulations are to make provisions for prescribing the amount of attendance and financial loss allowances payable to the members of local authorities. Explanatory note: Regulation 3 of the Local Government Allowances Amendment Regulation 1971 ("the 1971 regulations") substituted a new regulation for Regulation 3 of the 1954 Regulations. Regulation 3 of the Local Government Allowances Amendment Regulation 1972 ("the 1972 regulations") further made amends Regulation 3 of the 1954 Regulations by increasing the maximum rates of attendance and financial loss allowances. Regulation 7 of the 1972 Regulations revoked both regulation 3 and 5 of the 1971 Regulations, Regulation 5 being a regulation revoking earlier spent regulations with the effect from 1st April next. These regulations preserve Regulations 2 and 5 of the 1971 Regulations by revoking Regulation 7 of the 1972 Regulations.
Jim Hacker: "And that's an explanatory note???"
Sir Humphrey: "Minister, I have some very grave news."
Jim Hacker: "Yes, Humphrey?"
Sir Humphrey: "The relationship which I might tentatively venture to aver has been not without some degree of reciprocal utility and perhaps even occasional gratification, is emerging a point of irreversible bifurcation and, to be brief, is in the propinquity of its ultimate regrettable termination."
Jim Hacker: "I see..."
Sir Humphrey: "I am...on my way out."
Jim Hacker: "What?"
Sir Humphrey: "There comes a time when one has to accept what fate has in store, when one passes on..."
Jim Hacker: "Passes on!?"
Sir Humphrey: "...to pastures new, perhaps greener. And places oneself, finally, in the service of one who is greater than any of us."
Jim Hacker: "Humphrey, I am so sorry."
Sir Humphrey: "Oh, thank you, Minister."
Jim Hacker: "Does lady Appleby know?"
Sir Humphrey: "Well, she suspected it for some time."
Jim Hacker: "When did they tell you?"
Sir Humphrey: "This afternoon."
Jim Hacker: "How long did they give you?"
Sir Humphrey: "Oh, just a few weeks."
Jim Hacker: "Few weeks!?"
Sir Humphrey: "But it will give me enough time to sort everything out."
Jim Hacker: "Humphrey, you are so terribly brave."
Sir Humphrey: "Well, one is a little anxious, off course. One is always a little wary of the unknown, but I have faith somehow I will muddle through. [Jim Hacker starts crying] Minister, what is the matter?"
Jim Hacker: "I am sorry, Humphrey. Just, well we had our ups and downs."
Sir Humphrey: "Oh Minister, do not take on so. We will still be seeing one another regularly. Yes, once a week at least."
Jim Hacker: "What??"
Sir Humphrey: "I have not told you where I am going yet. I have been appointed Secretary to the Cabinet."
Jim Hacker: "Secretary to the Cabinet?"
Sir Humphrey: "What did you think I meant?"
Jim Hacker: "I thought, I..., I...."
Sir Humphrey: "Prime Minister, I must protest in the strongest possible terms my profound opposition to a newly instituted practice which imposes severe and intolerable restrictions upon the ingress and egress of senior members of the hierarchy and which will, in all probability, should the current deplorable innovation be perpetuated, precipitate a constriction of the channels of communication, and culminate in a condition of organisational atrophy and administrative paralysis which will render effectively impossible the coherent and co-ordinated discharge of the functions of government within Her Majesty's United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland."
Jim Hacker: "You mean you've lost your key?"